It’s day 2 and I’m feeling pretty good.
I had chicken and vegetable soup last night. Certainly an acquired taste, I put far too much water in it and it was horrible.
Spicy tomato for tonight.
/dull post
Today’s my first day on the Cambridge Diet. I had a strawberry shake for breakfast this morning and promptly spilled it all over myself. Classy. It was the little shaker thing I bought, it didn’t close properly.
I’ve been drinking tea without the milk and it’s not bad! I could get used to it. Laying off coffee as it makes me go a bit weird.
It’s a glorious day and I really want to zip around the park on my bike. I’m quite wary of the “no vigorous exercise in week 1″ rule, but will stick to it. I don’t want to pass out in a bush somewhere, only to be found by a curious and hungry fox. When I’m acclimatised I am determined to get some exercise in. It’ll help with loose skin, too.
I weighed in at 11 stone 3lbs on Saturday. I’m a little miffed and worried that, by the end of next week, I might only be 11st again. I am hoping that the 3lbs was just TOM weight.
I’m also apprehensive about how much my medication will slow down weight loss. I’ve gained a lot of weight on it, without changing my diet (in fact, by the end, I was eating a lot less). The doctor didn’t say much about the medication when he read the paperwork and signed the forms but he does acknowledge that they do cause weight gain. I was surprised by his reaction to this. He’s been a GP for 25 years and knows all about the diet. He was actually very encouraging and supportive. I’d assumed he’d chew my head off and write, “EAT LESS” on a piece of paper.
I want this to work and I don’t want my stupid body stopping it from working. All I want to do is to get my weight into somewhere it’s healthy, and somewhere I can admire in the mirror without running off and wanting to cry.
There’s no pressure on me, though. I don’t really get criticism for my appearance that much. My friends are lovely and would never tell me I looked bad, even if I did.
I know I am very overweight but I’ve got “a nice face”. A “nice face” is usually the backhanded compliment I get. I want to say, “MY BODY IS SMOKING HOT TOO YOU KNOW!”
And I am lucky to be with someone who never criticises my appearance, and who has never, and would never, tell me to lose weight.
So this one’s all for me. And that’s almost a bit scary.
The shakes are quite nice, I’m going to attempt the vanilla for lunch. They leave an odd aftertaste, though, kind of metallic. I brushed my teeth after drinking my breakfast. I put a lot of water in it. It was almost too much, and I struggled to get down what was left of it.
Well, the doctor has signed the form, my fridge is bare, there’s £40 spilling out of my wallet and it’s deep breath time.
Tomorrow I’m picking up my first week of Cambridge Diet packs and I begin on Monday. Why Monday? Well, for the same reason that I’ll get out of bed at 9.10am but not 9.09am. It’s just a rounded kind of day, it hollers, “The week begins!”
Why I Am Doing This
The biggest reason I’m embarking on this way of eating is because I have gained a lot of weight taking psychiatric medications for manic depression.
I arrived at a quandary recently. I was sick to death of gaining weight because of medications. So I stopped taking all my medication. That was a mistake. I went “odd” almost immediately and the withdrawal was hellish. I couldn’t sleep and was tormented by constant itching.
I’ve decided that I need to actively do something about my weight so that I can continue taking my medications. I’ve tried a lot of diets, notably, the Atkins diet. But I get bored of cooking and the convenience side of the Cambridge Diet appealed to me even more than the weight loss. I’m confident that by the time I finish Sole Source, I’ll be so desperate for real food that I’ll actually want to cook. I’m very overweight, but I wasn’t always. My weight has fluctuated in the past year and a half from 9 stone 4lbs to 12 stone 3lbs. Now I am 11st.
My weight does bother me. I feel bloated and my confidence is shot; I feel like crap in general because I don’t eat very well. I want to use the Cambridge Diet to sort out vitamins and minerals and to learn how to feed myself properly. I want to lose weight so I can fit into 10-12 clothes and hold my head high in the street.
I want to keep this blog because I find life easier when I record what’s going on. I’m a little wary of telling people I’m on this way of eating, because I suspect they’ll dismiss it as a fad diet, so, this is my way of charting my progress and such without having to talk to my friends about it.
I’m 22 and a small Irish person, by the way.
My stats, then, as of 22nd February 2008:
Height: 4ft 11″
Weight: 11 stone 3lbs/157lbs. Never again after Monday.
BMI: 31.5- obese, according to the mostly bullshit BMI table.
Bust: 38 1/4 in (hurrah for boobies!)
Waist: 33 1/2 in
Hips: 42 1/4 in
Goal Weight: 8 stones 5lbs
BMI: 24-ish
First goal: To weigh 14lbs less/be 10stone by 22/03/2008
I think it’s doable. I really hope it is.
What I am scared of:
Not having the willpower and of not losing weight. My medication might slow weight loss. And I am scared that I’ll crack. I use food so socially. When I want to show my boyfriend that I care for him, I tend to feed him. Food is a bonding thing for me, because I no longer drink alcohol.
I am scared that the diet will aggravate my moods and unsettle them further. I’m also scared of having excess skin left. I doubt it, though, because I exercise, am young and my skin is usually quite good. But I worry.
But I want to stay strong. I have heard the first days are pretty bad, I just need to grit my teeth and look to the future. I’ve been through worse, and this is for my health, for my happiness and I am really not sacrificing anything. In maybe half a year, I will be 8 stone 5lbs.
What I am looking forward to:
Being slim! Not cooking. The money I’ll save, I spend a horrendous amount on food. Losing inches, my size 16s being too small. Not moaning to Rob about my weight constantly. Feeling in some control of my size. The possibility that this might actually help my moods by stabilising my blood sugar. Going to the doctors and not being told to lose weight. Going home to Belfast and being a similar size to the rest of my family, not the “fat sister”.
Rewards and Carrots
For every 7lbs I lose, I will:
- Hit the charity shops for something nice
When I lose 14lbs, I will:
- Treat myself to something nice, like a trip to the zoo (seriously, the zoo rocks)
No punishments or self abasement for not losing anything.
I’ll see how it goes.
Sunday night is my last full meal for a bit.
I am going to exercise but am going to give it a week to clear the head. I cycle and walk a fair bit so will just keep that going.
I need to set creative goals like courses and stuff, because I want to learn while I’m off work. But I’m severely inhibited by lack of funds. I need to write a book, and I’ve been putting that off because of my moods. I want the first six months of this year to be Sort Your Mind and Body Out Months. Then, I will feel far more able.
See you on Day 1….
