Tea without milk?! Barbarism!

Well, the doctor has signed the form, my fridge is bare, there’s £40 spilling out of my wallet and it’s deep breath time.

Tomorrow I’m picking up my first week of Cambridge Diet packs and I begin on Monday. Why Monday? Well, for the same reason that I’ll get out of bed at 9.10am but not 9.09am. It’s just a rounded kind of day, it hollers, “The week begins!”

Why I Am Doing This

The biggest reason I’m embarking on this way of eating is because I have gained a lot of weight taking psychiatric medications for manic depression.

I arrived at a quandary recently. I was sick to death of gaining weight because of medications. So I stopped taking all my medication. That was a mistake. I went “odd” almost immediately and the withdrawal was hellish. I couldn’t sleep and was tormented by constant itching.

I’ve decided that I need to actively do something about my weight so that I can continue taking my medications. I’ve tried a lot of diets, notably, the Atkins diet. But I get bored of cooking and the convenience side of the Cambridge Diet appealed to me even more than the weight loss. I’m confident that by the time I finish Sole Source, I’ll be so desperate for real food that I’ll actually want to cook. I’m very overweight, but I wasn’t always. My weight has fluctuated in the past year and a half from 9 stone 4lbs to 12 stone 3lbs. Now I am 11st.

My weight does bother me. I feel bloated and my confidence is shot; I feel like crap in general because I don’t eat very well. I want to use the Cambridge Diet to sort out vitamins and minerals and to learn how to feed myself properly. I want to lose weight so I can fit into 10-12 clothes and hold my head high in the street.

I want to keep this blog because I find life easier when I record what’s going on. I’m a little wary of telling people I’m on this way of eating, because I suspect they’ll dismiss it as a fad diet, so, this is my way of charting my progress and such without having to talk to my friends about it.

I’m 22 and a small Irish person, by the way.

My stats, then, as of 22nd February 2008:

Height: 4ft 11″

Weight: 11 stone 3lbs/157lbs. Never again after Monday.

BMI: 31.5- obese, according to the mostly bullshit BMI table.

Bust: 38 1/4 in (hurrah for boobies!)

Waist: 33 1/2 in

Hips: 42 1/4 in

Goal Weight: 8 stones 5lbs

BMI: 24-ish

First goal: To weigh 14lbs less/be 10stone by 22/03/2008

I think it’s doable. I really hope it is.

What I am scared of:

Not having the willpower and of not losing weight. My medication might slow weight loss. And I am scared that I’ll crack. I use food so socially. When I want to show my boyfriend that I care for him, I tend to feed him. Food is a bonding thing for me, because I no longer drink alcohol.

I am scared that the diet will aggravate my moods and unsettle them further. I’m also scared of having excess skin left. I doubt it, though, because I exercise, am young and my skin is usually quite good. But I worry.

But I want to stay strong. I have heard the first days are pretty bad, I just need to grit my teeth and look to the future. I’ve been through worse, and this is for my health, for my happiness and I am really not sacrificing anything. In maybe half a year, I will be 8 stone 5lbs.

What I am looking forward to:

Being slim! Not cooking. The money I’ll save, I spend a horrendous amount on food. Losing inches, my size 16s being too small. Not moaning to Rob about my weight constantly. Feeling in some control of my size. The possibility that this might actually help my moods by stabilising my blood sugar. Going to the doctors and not being told to lose weight. Going home to Belfast and being a similar size to the rest of my family, not the “fat sister”.

Rewards and Carrots

For every 7lbs I lose, I will:

• Hit the charity shops for something nice

When I lose 14lbs, I will:

• Treat myself to something nice, like a trip to the zoo (seriously, the zoo rocks)

No punishments or self abasement for not losing anything.
I’ll see how it goes.

Sunday night is my last full meal for a bit.

I am going to exercise but am going to give it a week to clear the head. I cycle and walk a fair bit so will just keep that going.

I need to set creative goals like courses and stuff, because I want to learn while I’m off work. But I’m severely inhibited by lack of funds. I need to write a book, and I’ve been putting that off because of my moods. I want the first six months of this year to be Sort Your Mind and Body Out Months. Then, I will feel far more able.

See you on Day 1….